a week

i think i could manage my own feeling much better by now. gw uda lbh settle dsini. n i wouldnt make it kl gada kontribusi dr org² skitar gw. somehow i could see more clearly right now. i know they are extremly busy n i can understand that perfectly. aber irgendwie haben die mir gestern gezeigt, dass die alle mühe geben werden um mich während meines urlaubs happy zu machen (: dankedanke ! mgkn itu cm hal kecil yg kliatannya simple. tp bwt gw itu precious bgd. n i really do appreciate it.



thanks for listening my prayer. im enjoying my holiday now n there are still 7 weeks to go (:

por favor

ich will nach deutschland. echt jetzt. its not that i dont enjoy my holiday at all. just like i dont fit in here anymore. it could be a wrong-planned-holiday-at-home. kali ini gw gtw ini konsekuensi ato konsistensi ato mgkn dua²nya. konsekuensi krn gw balik saat smua anak kampus hrs kuliah n gw stuck drmh do nothing except writing on this stupid blog or listening to utube. konsistensi krn my mom told me to go back home n i also agreed even gw tw kl gw balik d bulan² ky gini ga akan ada yg nemenin gw jln krn most of them dluar kota. gw konsisten dgn konsekuensi yg hrs gw tanggung. n gw ngejalanin smua konsekuensi itu dgn konsisten. n skr gw gtw lg apa artinya konsisten n konsekuen. great

n gw mulai mengutuki knp indo hrs pny zeitdifferenze 6 jam sm deutschland. krn gw jd ga bs sms tmn gw bwt nanyain hal yg dr kmrn bkin gw deg²an. n gw mengutuki knp indo cuacanya ky saklar lampu. panas ujan cerah mendung lembab debuan. krn gw jd bersin mulu dsini. well drmh sm nykp emank plg enak. u get all what u want. ok ga smua, but most of them. buktinya gw batal ntn konser ballet tmn gw hr minggu krn mblnya mw dpake nykp gw bwt bantuin urus konsumsi d acara lustrum grj. could u imagine this : nykp loe prefer nganter jmput 5 biji ibu² bwt k pastoran n ngurus konsumsi lustrum drpd minjemin mbl k anaknya yg br plng n uda janji sm tmnny bwt ntn konser ballet ? n gw d drop gt aja d grj dr jm stgh 9 siang n pulangnya dbiarin jalan kaki krmh nyebrang jalanan yg ramenya ky apaan tau smentara gw mch lmyn parno sm motor n anti sm abang² geje d pinggir jalan ? n nykp br akan plng jm 4 sore which means gw smskl ga pny chance bwt ntn ballet tmn gw krn acaranya mulai jm 4 sore d TIM n how could i reach TIM in just a couple of minutes with this fucking road condition ?! tell me how. gw jg ga akan bs ntn konser yg jm 11 siang krn biar gmn jg itu mobil hrs ada drmh jm stgh 9 bwt dpake nykp jmpt konco²nya ibu² 5 biji k pastoran. geez. why is she so mean ?

fyi i didnt argue with my mom. i keep my mouth shut cuz i dont wanna ruin this-already-ruined-by-a-wrong-arrival-timing-holiday. n i hate him. quite much for being such an ignorance. actually he isnt. but still im sucked. and this stupid reunion. n this wrong haircut. und das auto, das ich zur werkstatt bringen muss weil es komisches geräusch macht. und weil der automatic schlüssel kaputt ist. warum bringt sie es nicht zur werkstatt ? warum bloß ? ist es einer großer zeitverlust, auto zur werkstatt zu bringen obwohl es für ihre eigene wohlhaft ist ? aber trotzdem, sage ich nichts. ich halte meinen mund zu.

i know this should be a power boosting for the next 1 1/2 year till i come back here again. to face the real world in the university. to have something to remember when im falling down. to keep my faith n spirit shine even just a little. but i miss my freedom. i miss my own life without irritating cousins around who keep on looking at u like u are cool or something like that. who keep on sticking around u eventhough u told them not to. it sucks. i never have any brother or sister. this life is only mine. egoist ? jup bin ich. i need no sucker to ruin my precious life. it is hard enough with its ordinary intricts. what would that be if u put another trouble on it ? how could it be so meaningfull if u cant enjoy it ? u have the right to live ur own life in every single way u want to. not to be driven by such a-kurang-kerjaan-sok-sibuk-person called orang tua or orang yg dtuakan. luckily nykp gw ga gt. she is cool i have to admit. just a bit conservative cuz im the only child n a girl. but i like her much. that much to make me keep on coming home cuz she is my only reason.

let me enjoy my holiday please !


and please dont let the rain drops

the first 2 days

sampe indoo (: br ksampean mkn baso n mie doank sih. itu jg bukan mie ayam krn gw mkn d golden palace ato apalah itu d foodcourt ps. jd ky ramen gt bentuknya. anw td gw k ps, mahakam, kebayoran baru, trus k pasar baru. geez. city tour bgd tuh. k ps ketemuan sm tmn gw yg jumat ini balik jrmn lg. k mahakam survey tmp reuni sd nanti. k kebayoran baru nemenin tmn gw nyari lensa n tnyt barangnya gada. k pasar baru nemenin tmn gw yg ttp niat smangat 45 nyari lensa. n still ga dpt apa². heheh. yg ada kita mlh kna 3 in 1 n muter jalan k gajah mada kluar grogol n doi salah naik tol pdhl gw uda blg kl gerbang tolnya itu yg depanan lg. akhirnya perjalanan yg hrsny cm skitar 90 mnt molor jd 3 jm. n gw terpaksa nahan pipis dr pasar baru sampe taman mini. can u imagine that ? tmn gw masuk tol cawang n stlh gw liat gunung n mikir kl gw uda d bogor, tmn gw br nemu puteran k arah bsd n doi kluar d ciputat. well done martin ! hahah

tp asik sih jalan hr ini. td gw smpt blg : ini baru namanya balik indo. heheh. kl balik indo kerjaannya cm kluar masuk mall, trus mkn junkfood, trus jalan kmana² ga pake nyasar, itu mah basii ! pulang tuh hrsny d bikin semaximal mgkn. makan lah smua mknan yg gada d tmp loe skr. pergi lah k tmp yg aneh n terpencil n ga tertera d peta. rasain deh nyasar k tmp antah berantah dgn kaki ampir copot gr² bolak balik pasar baru 3 ronde n panas n bensin tipis n hrs nahan pipis d tol pas macet panjang. wuii. mankstab ! apalagi yg nyetir itu ga punya sim. tp krn doi ngerasa sangat ganteng, dy cuek aja tuh nyetir bolak balik d jln protokol gt. heheh. nykp sih smpt complain krn dy nganggep gw ga nepatin omongan gw bwt stay much longer drmh drpd jln². ya tp gmn donk. dsana kan gw ga bs bgini. jd kl mw jalan ampe kaki memendek 5cm ya cm bs dsini. lagian gw ga pnh plng ab jm 10 malm ko. perginya jg sll ab jm 10 pagi. quite fair, isnt it ?

tp gw emank aga amazed sm schedule gw minggu ini. penuh jg yah tnyt. td uda kliling jkt sharian. bsk gw mch mw k daerah mangga dua n jelambar. rabu kamis jumat sih smpe skr mch kosong. sabtu kyny mw jln sm tmn gw. minggu mw ntn tmn gw perform ballet d tim. minggu dpn gw hrs k daerah atma slny mw anter titipan tmn n skalian jln brg tmn gw. snin 2 minggu lg tmn gw ngajakin k mangdu. well well well. bhkn itu smua sampe gw masukin reminder biar gw ga lupa. hohoo. blum bkin check list makanan yg mw dmakan dsini. quite fun though. tp ttp aja gw kpikiran zulassung. gmn kbrny yah ? n gw kangen bgadang sampe subuh d jrmn. gw kangen stuky sndirian d kmr. hahahah. apropo ada ziggo br dsini. namanya A-volution. sie ist so dünn und klein aber sie gibt genau dasselbe effekt wie die große A ziggo. die werde ich gerne mitbringen (:

skr gw cape n ngantuk n hat keine lust mehr. apropo td pagi gw bgn jm 6 loh. wow. bsk hrs bgn jm 7 krn mw pergi dr jm stgh 8 sampe malm lg. err. werde gleich kaputt ! aber begeistert (: lick u later

the last 13 hours

br aja tmn gw balik dr rmh gw. stlh bbrp kali dy main ksini n smpt übernachten skali sm gw, i decided that he isnt that bad (: actually bad isnt the right word to express the thing. aber ich kann kein mehr passendes wort finden. jgn tny gmn caranya gw bs knal sm dy, tp asli, he wasnt that kind of person i really want to know at the first place. gw ga inget gmn awalnya gw jd ngbrl sm dy. kl ga slh krn gw pajang nmr hp gw d fs *wkt itu fb blum ky skr* n dy iseng tlvn gw. trus ngbrl. trus dy nitip rokok krn wkt itu kebetulan gw mw balik indo. well as simple as that tp tnyt friendshipnya lanjut sampe skr.

blkgn dy srg curhat sm gw walopun sadly gw ga bs ngch masukan yg bgs bwt dy. how can i say, dy itu tll baik jd org. terutama sm lawan jenis. bwt gw dy itu tipe org yg baiknya beneran baik sm org yg jg baik sm dy. n dy ga pamrih. ini slh 1 hal yg kdg bkin cw jd slh persepsi kl dihadapin sm org ky dy. kmrn dy crt ktny dl smpt ada bbrp cw yg tdny tmn biasa, trus krn dy baik bgitu, cw itu jd ngerasa dpt angin n mikir kl dy itu lebih. entah lbh ganteng, lbh perhatian, tp intinya he is worth fighting for. n gw blg k dy that it wasnt his fault at all. dy bukan org pertama yg gw temuin yg pny sikap ky gt. so far ada 5 org tmn gw yg bgitu n having them in my life is such a treasure. n the point is that all of them are male. jd mrk reliable bgd. well anw, thanks dude (:

kdg gw wondering sndiri, gmn cara org tua mrk ngedidik mrk sampe bs jd manusia yg ky gt. terutama apa yg dtanemin d otak mrk ttg cr behandeln n mnghargai perempuan. well gw ga blg kl perempuan itu hrs dperlakukan scr khusus sih. cm scara fisik emank mostly kita lbh lemah drpd cowo. dlm hal ganti ban mobil, angkat koper, nyetir n parkir, benerin genteng bocor etc etc. kdg gw ngarep kl org tua yg ky gt bs dkirim aja k ngr² lain yg blm tll mnghargai perempuan. ato dsuru bkin seminar kiat sukses mendidik anak lakilaki. tp ga berarti smua anak cowo yg baik gt dtg dr kluarga yg beres. ada jg yg dtg dr kluarga broken home. n bwt mrk itu, gw ngacungin smua jempol. mrk ga jd urakan ato apa, tp mrk mw n commit bwt jd manusia dewasa yg bhkn lbh dewasa drpd org tuanya sndiri. itu gw salut. bukannya mlh mellow ga jlas or ngdrugs or krjaannya main n ngelayap mulu. n at this point i have to admit that god is fair. trully fair. kita mgkn ga sll dpt apa yg kita mw yah. tp kita akan sll dpt apa yg kita butuh. n kita ga akan kekurangan. gw ga ngutip kata² ini krn ada d alkitab, tp krn gw ngalamin sndiri. das war und das ist ne wahre erfahrung. kl dtanya, gw ga akan mikir 2x untuk married sm cowo ky gt. hahah. but sadly gw tuh orgny pecicilan bgd. kasian kl dpt suami ky gt nanti doi makan ati mulu. heheh.

bsk jm 14.25 gw cabut. balik indo lagi. dunno gw hrs seneng ato gmn. aber echt, kali ini beraat bgd ninggalin jerman. ninggalin situasi yg bnr² bkin gw enjoy n bkin gw sll bgn dgn mood yg ok. n bkin gw percaya kl hr itu akan jd another good day for me. for all of us. percaya kl pelangi itu sll ada stlh ujan seharian ato semaleman. cm mgkn posisinya aja yg ga memungkinkan kita bwt sll bs liat pelangi. percaya kl frühling sbntr lg dtg. lalu sommer. n life goes on and on. irama n ketukannya mgkn beda² bwt msg² org. tp percaya aja, d akhir konser hidup loe, loe akan dpt applause (:

02.02 pm

the sky is hurt and crying
the pine charms the fire

i think u should stay

the dawn is breaking
a light shining through
u are barely waking
and im tangled up in u

when im open u are closed
where i follow u will go
i worry i wont see ur face light up again

even the best fall down sometimes
even the wrong words seem to rhyme
out of the doubt that fills my mind
i somehow find u and i collide

even the best fall down
even the stars refuse to shine
out of the back u fall in time
i somehow find u and i collide

dont stop here
i have lost my place i closed behind

body and soul

hari ini gw bgn dgn kondisi ga ok. td gw pasang alarm jm 7 dgn niat baik bgnin org yg blkgn suka bgd bgadang sampe pagi. alarm bunyi, gw bgn, sms, trus tdr lg. stgh jm kmudian gw kbangun lg krn hp gw bunyi. siapa ? org yg slama ini ga pnh gw harapkan bwt tlvn gw. org yg slama ini cm speak speak doank tanpa ada bukti nyata dr omongannya. gw dtlvn 15 mnt tp efek dr 15 mnt itu lanjut seharian. sampe gw nulis skr. i know it sounds lebay und übermellow but it was excatly how i feel this morning. plus langit tuh gelap bgd n ujan turun pas gw br mw masuk kereta k frankfurt.

sampe akhirnya sambil smsan sm tmn gw, gw blg gw pgn main ujan²an. permainan yg jujurnya blm pnh gw mainin dr kcil krn ga dkasih sm nykp dgn alasan nanti pilek. gw smpt pgn main ujan sm tmn gw wkt gw smp, uda siap tempur n nykp jg awalnya uda stuju. pas gw mw ngelangkah k teras tb² nykp gw ksambet trus ngmg : eh jgn deh la. kan minggu dpan kmu ulangan bnyk. nanti kl pilek repot ! naja. stlh sdikit ngedumel n manyun akhirnya gw nyerah n masuk rmh lg. see ? gw bukan cm blm pnh k bali. gw bhkn blm pnh main ujan, blm pnh ntn lion king, twilight, madagascar, n blm pnh nyobain gulali abang² yg bs dbentuk sesuai pesenan kita itu. tw ga gulali itu ? yg bs dbentuk empeng, pesawat terbang, bunga, etc. ktny skr adanya cm d kota tua doank. n gw niat nyamperin ksana kl gw plng.

pulang. balik indo. ketemu kluarga. ketemu tmn skolah. ketemu tetangga dr jaman kecil. ketemu org yg loe ga pgn ketemu. dtg k tmp yg loe ga pgn dtgin. mengingat smua yg ga pgn loe ingat. udah lewat sih. cm loe tw lah, ky kl mslny loe pnh jatuh ngusruk wkt kecil ddpan hlmn skolah *gw pnh ky gt* saat jatuh mgkn loe lbh ngrasa kaget drpd sakit. stlh loe dbangunin, br deh loe liat lutut, telapak tangan, bhkn idung loe lecet n berdarah. saat itu br berasa sakitnya. tp itu bukan klimaksnya. bwt gw sakit yg plg sakit itu br loe rasain saat loe dlm proses menuju smbuh. gmn perihnya luka loe saat itu d obatin. gmn loe meringis nahan rasa ky d silet pas luka loe kena air mandi. gmn loe kaget sndiri saat loe lupa kl lutut loe lg luka n tmn loe mlh ga sngaja mukul lutut loe. saat itu mgkn lutut loe adalah brg plg berharga d antara smua bagian tubuh loe. kl duduk pelan², kl gatel d usap² n ga dgaruk ky kenek bis lg garuk panu, kl mandi lututnya dsabunin scara intens spy bersih n lukanya cpt kering. 1001 cara loe lakuin demi lutut loe. bwt cw terutama, mrk gmw lututnya bopeng ato ninggalin bekas luka krn itu bs mengganggu pnampilan saat mrk pake rok. sampe akhirnya luka loe sembuh. n 10 taun kedepan mgkn loe lupa kl loe pnh jatuh pas bljr naik sepeda. lupa kl loe pnh ngusruk krn kselengkat kaki tmn loe d hlmn sd. lupa kl jari loe pnh kebelah cutter saat loe bikin tgs KTK. loe dgn gampangnya lupa krn luka itu ga berbekas. ato mgkn kejadian pnyebab luka itu ga extraordinary. tp cb kl luka itu ninggalin bekas seumur idup d tmp yg sangat terexpose umum. n lukanya sangat mencolok. gw rasa loe akan pake sgala cara bwt nutupin luka itu. entah loe jd anti pake rok, anti pake u can see, sll punya poni, entah.

loe berusaha sekuat tenaga n muter otak sampe jumpalitan just to cover ur scar. spy org lain ga liat. krn loe malu kl mrk liat. krn loe ga PD. krn loe nyesel senyeselnyeselnya pny bekas luka ky gt. krn loe ga berdaya n ga bs ngilangin bekas luka loe. tell u what : luka fisik itu mch jauh lbh mnding drpd luka batin. ada bnyk dokter kecantikan yg uda ngetop n mch ada lbh bnyk lg yg otw bwt jd dokter kecantikan. tp bwt ngebenerin luka batin ? hmm. yummy (:

bwt nyembuhin luka krn jatuh paling lama butuh wkt sminggu. saat tmn loe ga sngaja mencet luka loe, dlm 5 mnt loe akan lupa sm sakitnya. 2 minggu kmudian kulit yg luka itu akan ngelupas n loe bs liat kulit br yg mch elastis tumbuh dbwhnya. tp bwt nyembuhin luka mental, it could take ur whole lifetime. kl loe tipe pemaaf mgkn dlm hitungan taun loe uda biasa aja. ato mgkn luka mentalnya ga se-dalem itu jd loe ga prlu tll bnyk wkt bwt erholung. u could look back n say : i forget u and i forgive u. to forget n to forgive itu 2 hal yg bedanya lmyn jauh. n butuh usaha yg beda jg bwt sampe k msg² tahap. saat loe dsakitin krn cinta ato krn d backstabb sm tmn loe ato krn sahabat loe bohongin loe, gw mch bs blg itu sakit hati stadium 2. cari lah pacar baru, jgn tmnan lg sm tmn loe yg itu, bljr jgn naruh tll bnyk kpercayaan sm 1 org. however mrk manusia jg. we are all just ordinary people. saat loe ngalamin hal yg ga enak saat loe uda d usia cukup dewasa entah internal dr kluarga or external dr lingkungan sekitar, itu sakit hati stadium 3. at least rasio loe uda lbh jalan n mental survivor loe akan ngedorong loe untuk terus melangkah maju n ga terpuruk d 1 kondisi yg ga enak. loe akan pake smua sel otak loe bwt mikir gmn caranya spy loe bs berdamai sm keadaan. entah loe mutusin bwt sma or kuliah d luar kota spy loe bs mulai hidup br tanpa ada yg hrs tw vergangenheit loe. entah loe tutup kuping n pake kcmt kuda n ga peduli sm keadaan. entah loe jd ngdrugs. entah loe jd jrg ato sangat sering k tmp ibadah n berdoa bwt mslh loe saat itu. entah.

saat loe ngalamin hal ga enak yg dauernd dr loe kecil sampe loe gede n it seems like never bein ended, mgkn loe ngalamin sakit hati stadium 4. loe nyoba sgala cara spy sakit loe could be healed. spy bekas lukanya ga kliatan. spy mslh itu bs kekubur dbawah tanah n ga muncul lagi. spy org yg nimbulin mslh itu walk out of ur life. sampe mulut loe monyong krn loe ngadu terus sm tuhan ttg mslh loe yg 1 ini. sampe loe ga bs nangis lagi saking dulu uda kbanyakan nangis untuk hal yg 1 ini. sampe loe bs ngbrl santai sm org yg loe ga suka itu. sampe loe ga ngrasa jengah ato ga enakan saat loe liat org lain yg situasinya lbh baik dr loe saat itu hari ini. sampe loe bs hidup tenang tanpa trauma masa lalu. sampe loe bs nengok k blkg n blg : i am not forget, but i forgive u. tell u what : its so damn hard. its so damn hurt too. loe ga cm butuh sel otak loe. loe butuh nervensystem loe jg. smua sel yg ada d tubuh loe hrs sama² berdamai dgn keadaan. even org yg nyebelin itu akan ttp bleibt nyebelin no matter what. even org yg gtw diri itu akan terus mampir k hidup loe tanpa permisi. even org rese itu akan berulang kali mencet n mukul luka loe yg blm 100% kering.

well thats life, dude. its hard but its not too hard. its complicated but its freakin fun. n i wont let this 1 among 6 billion people in the world mess my life. its my life. the life is mine. maybe im not forget n i still cant forgive. but i dont hate u. i just dont like u enough. there is always be a price to pay. and this is excatly what u have to pay to me for all the things u have done before. for messing my childhood. for coming to my dream n being my nightmare. for making me run and run and run till i couldnt anymore. but thanks anw. for all the troubles that made me be an extraordinary human being. for all the hard times that made me tougher. for all the obstacles so that i always think a step forward. its my habbit now. praise the lord he created u so that i could also be created in this world n have such an interesting life like this.

gnite !

sisa 4 hr sblum gw bener² cabut dr sini n balik k indo lagi. gtw knp kali ini rasanya dataar bgd. seneng sih mw balik. cm mgkn krn rentang wkt yg tll mepet jd euforianya ga tll berasa kali ini. yeah, gw br balik indo stgh taun yg lalu. balik yg full surprise n ngelakuin bnyk hal walopun waktu yg ada saat itu sempit bgd. rmh tuh kyny fungsinya cm bwt mandi n tdr doank. makan srg dluar. almost everyday jalan mlulu. entah jln sm nykp, sm tmn, or even jln sndirian krn mw nyuci mobil ato dsuru transfer k bank sm nykp. balik 4 minggu tp quality time-nya berasa bgd. mgkn krn timingnya pas sm lbr smstr anak kuliah ya, jd tmn² gw jg free smua. kali ini balik 8 minggu n tmn² gw sbagian bsar lg hectic kuliah. emank sih, kali ini gw mw lbh bnyk spend time sm nykp dbanding sm tmn gw. but could u imagine an 8 weeks long holiday without friends in ur own homeland ? 8 minggu trakhir ini jg gw sndirian aja dsini tp at least gw krja. ato ada aja tmn yg dtg or nginep drmh gw. n dsini mch bs jln² pake kaki n liat hal² baru krn ga polusi. nah d indo cb loe jln kaki siang² deh. gosong iya kecopetan iya bau ketek iya cape iya tp ga happy smskl. oke i know it sounds like im not interested at all. doch bin ich. gw seneng ko gw mw balik lg terutama krn reuni sd. but as another friend of mine n i said : smakin dket sm hr H loe mw balik indo, euforianya berkurang sdikit sdikit sampe akhirnya abis smskl. saat loe bs liat sumatra dr pesawat rasanya emank keren bgd. tp saat loe landing n kluar dr terminal 2 soekarno hatta, part of ur heart is breaking in a sudden. saat itu loe tau, tepat 4 minggu ato 8 minggu dr hari itu, loe hrs balik lg k jrmn ato k negara lain n face the real world once again yg smntr ini loe tinggal untuk bersenang² d homeland. ilang sudah euforia yg ada slama loe deg²an gelisah nunggu hari H bwt terbang balik indo. posisinya dgantiin sm suatu rasa yg undescribable. berantakan.

gw emank bbrp kali ngmg k tmn² gw kl kali ini rasanya gw ga niat bgd bwt balik. entah knp jgn tny. part of me says gw lg nemuin mainan baru dsini. n ky anak kecil yg keranjingan mainan baru, gw ga rela cuti dr mainan baru gw ini bwt 2 bln. part of me says im too tired. tired of waiting. tired of bein waited. cape dtanya berkali² kpn plng stell-la-tei-tel-te-saii-darling-hunni ? cape di claim : seneng ya mw plng. or kl gw jd loe sih gw bkl excited bgd plng. or loe enak bgd plng mulu stell. or loe ko plngny sbntr bgd ? etc etc. cape nunggu zulassung yg sampe skr blm dtg jg. gw serem joo. gw nanti ga bs jwb mantep : kdokteran om-tante-oma-opa kl gw dtanya : kuliah apa dsana ? cape mikirin gmn caranya biar overweight gw lolos. cape krn gw emank cape. 3 minggu blkgn gw tdr dbwh jm 3 mulu. mlh 1x tdr jm 6 pagi bgn jm 8. 3x tdr jm 4 bgn jm 8. sisanya tdr jm 3 bgn jm stgh 9. even gw 3 minggu ini krja mlulu, gw ttp bgadang tdr pagi. sampe ada tmn gw yg nny : loe lg sesuain sm siklus indo yah ? n gw jwb : hahah. gw ga pnh jet lag anw. entah knp ky ada bnyk hal yg spinning in my head. bbrp hal yg tdny gw pkr uda fix n beres 100% tp tnyt pkran gw itu meleset n gw hrs step carefully spy gw ga hrs ngejalanin plan B. one of them asked me once n dy berhasil nebak dgn bnr apa yg skr lg ada d otak gw. yeah. exactly those things. skr gw gmw ngmg bnyk dl ttg itu. nanti aja kl smua uda klar br gw refleksi lg. really hope im gonna take the best path. not just for me, but also for them all. cape fisik cape mental cape hati. hahah lebay. ga lah. cm cape mental yg kyny lmyn berat plus cape fisik yg emank blkgn lg dforsir bgd so that i could collapse in any time.

am not in a good condition. lg sensi abiss blkgn. not in that annoying way but in an underpressure way. ktambahan pikiran sdikiit aja gw bs kalang kabut. ended with a symptom only few friends of mine have known before. trus gw buka jendela kamar dan.. dmulai lah kbiasaan jelek gw itu. kbiasan jelek yg baru² ini mkin jadi. terutama krn 2 tmn gw yg blkgn lg rajin bgd mampir k hidup gw (generally). one of them bhkn baru plng td jm stgh 11 dr rmh gw stlh kita bkin mrtbk telur n mnm wein bareng. ich hab noch halbe fläsche, die ich wahrscheinlich am donnerstag abend zum ende bringen werde. dy itu tmn br yg ga gw sangka² smskl. n fyi : my new friendship started with a curhat session recently. so does this one. geez too sleepy to write or even tooth brushing. am gonna sleep now. lick u soon (:

sprint sdikit !

ngapain gw jm sgini mch bgn ? yea rite guys, gw lg pre packing. at least gw masukin brg yg mw gw balikin k indo dl. titipan² nykp n tmn² gw. baju gw nyusul blkgn. guling gw jg ada d urutan plg blkg. gw ga akan tenteng itu guling ! egal wie, dy hrs msk koper. gila apa, muka gw mw taro mana ya ? heran. giliran kmrn gw pny jatah 30kg bagasi, gw cm bw 20kg. giliran jatah gw 20kg, gw mlh overweight. bwarghh. and 1 lg keajaiban dr negara sekaya deutschland : dsini gada porter. means gw hrs gotong itu koper yg aujubile beratnya turun dr lantai 3 trus jalan bbrp ratus meter k haltestelle. ok this night i decided to take a taxi. wont waste my time n energy to take such a trem or even worse : bus.

jujur ya, gw blm tenang bwt balik deh. zulassung gw blm dtg. means gw ga bs masukin bescheinigung k krankenkasse gw yg baru. kl itu surat ga dtg sblum gw balik indo, terpaksa hrs bkin vollmacht. itu yg gw ogah bgd. bukan knp ya, gw orgnya susah percaya sm org lain. tkt ga beres ato ada yg missed. scara ngurus einschreiben *daftar ulang* dsini aturannya lmyn ribet *terutama bwt jurusan NC* jd kl loe ga teliti n kurang 1 unterlage aja, melayanglah itu studienplatz. hufff. what a country. apropo, knp jg gw dtg ksini yaoloo ! tp tar kl ada tmn gw yg bc gw ngmg gt, dy pasti blg : yaampun tei, kan namanya jg nyari pngalaman. kl ttp d indo doank loe ga mgkn bs jd ky skr kan ? hell yeah. bnr jg sih

o gott bitte donkk. kirimin zulassungnya vor 13. februar yayaya ? damit ich im frieden nach hause fliegen kann. damit alles vor dem urlaub erledigt ist. damit ich niemanden wegen uni stören muss. bitte bitte bitte ! gw bahkan blum beli wein n käse n apfelstrudel n knödel n pasta spinato. o gosh ! mch bnyk aja ya tnyt. blum hrs nyari kaos yg ada bau² frankfurtnya. i know it sounds soo yockel but what can i do ? my granddad wanna have some of them. geez. aber mindestens frankfurt t shirt sieht noch besser aus als thailand t shirt. hahahah :D

great uda jm stgh 2 pagi aja sih. bsk gw hrs kerja ya. n barusan tmn gw ngewall trs ngmg kl dy uda d jkt ! sinting loe tha ! sok² heboh pas tw gw mw balik minggu dpan pdhl loe sndiri uda nyampe duluan ! hahah resee. think i gotta sleep now. smoga bsk jd lbh baik ! (:

when the lights burn out

when its cold, i think of u and things feel like old times
and the laughs we had warm me inside
my mind is at ease
when thinking of u and me

had a fight on our last go round
no idea my world would come right down
with nothing left to hold
its crazy to know that u would still be there

and i want u to know, i will be here till my hair falls out
and shining when the lights burn out
and i know its been a while but i cant help a smile
when u turn my world upside down
yes i know its been years since we ve talked on the phone this long
and didnt say who was wrong
lets try to make this right
and i need some of u in my life

take some time to reflect on the day that our friendship was set aside
by the words that got mixed up in my mind
a simple flaw is enough to destroy us all
i admit i was wrong but dragging this out too long
was enough to make me write this song
and say im sorry for all the things i ve done

and i want u to know, i will be here till my hair falls out
and shining when the lights burn out
and i know its been a while but i cant help a smile
when u turn my world upside down
yes i know its been years since we ve talked on the phone this long
and didnt say who was wrong
lets try to make this right
i say i need some of u in my life
when the lights burn out

chris cendana

blkgn, ada waktunya gw ngrasa world is spinning too fast. n gw gada tiang ato apapun bwt pegangan. gw gmw jatuh, gw gmw kebawa angin. gw gmw ngikutin emosi n hati gw. kali ini gw butuh rasio n logika gw. shortly i hate to feel this way. an undescribeable feeling. als ob du schmetterlinge im bauch hast. as if u are stuck in the middle of something. as if u are feeling guilty for leaving the old for the new one. melangkah maju emank ga pnh salah ko. asalkan loe tw loe mw melangkah kmana. bukan asal melangkah n tb² get lost. tp kadang walopun loe uda tw loe mw kmana, ada jg saatnya loe dihadapkan sm crossroad. 4 jln itu pny plus minus msg² n smuanya sama² menantang. saat itu loe hrs bkin konklusi yg tepat dgn waktu yg ga bnyk n loe hrs meminimalisir smua unsur negativ dr jalan yg akan loe pilih.

knp blkgn gw ngmgin jalan mlulu ya ? hahah gw jg kyne ahnung. jalan gw mch pjg sih, i know that. n smua ups n downs yg gw berhasil ato gagal lewatin slama ini, uda sdikit bnyk membantu gw bwt nentuin arah jln slanjutnya. mantep ga arahnya ? 70% mantep ko. 30% sisanya gw simpen bwt bumbu² jalanan. entah itu debu, kecipratan air, panas matahari, ato mungkin nemu uang 50 euro dpinggir jln yg akan gw lewatin nantinya. menengok k blkg boleh ga ? boleh ko, bwt refleksi diri aja. tp jgn nengok tll lama, nanti loe jd ga fokus sm jlnannya trus ksandung batu. ato nabrak tiang. ato tb² ddpan loe jalan buntu tp loe ga nyadar. kl uda begitu, cepet² deh loe ngadep dpan lagi before its too late.

h a l l o !

so. stlh bbrp tmn gw nny : tei loe knp ga bkin blog aja sih ? akhirnya gw luluh nyerah n bikin blog jg. actually gw gmw bkin blog krn gmw jd goblog ky org² yg sparuh hidupnya dhabiskan bwt posting blog ga penting. no offense dudes (: tp ga smua org ky gt ko. ada jg yg isi blognya bs bkin gw ngakak. ada yg bkin gw mnyesal krn uda pnh blogwalking dsitu. ada yg bkin gw pgn balik lg ksitu walopun tnyt blm ada update apapun dr ownernya. aber hauptsache, skr mgkn isi kepala gw akan migrasi k blog. say bye to notes fb. lick u around !