as usual i dont have any extraordinary story to share
kadang hidup bs jd sangat kosong sampe kita bingung hrs di isi sama apa. setiap tarikan nafas, setiap langkah kaki, setiap detak jantung, ga bs ngasih bocoran tentang hari² kedepan. cuma yg pasti nafas harus terus ditarik, kaki harus terus melangkah, dan jantung harus tetap berdetak sampai akhir.
dan saat keadaan sangat ga bersahabat sampe loe pgn berhenti bernafas, kadang gada yg bs dilakukan selain tetap menarik nafas lebih panjang drpd sebelumnya. kontradiktif ? ya. cliche ? sangat. cape ? gw juga. tapi memang blm waktunya kita berhenti bernafas, masih bnyk hal yg hrs dicoba, masih bnyk cerita yg hrs ditulis, masih bnyk kesempatan yg hrs diraih, masih bnyk tawa dan air mata yg menunggu dikeluarkan.
one after another, one after another
c'est la vie and que sera sera
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
if
if i could turn back time, i would like to talk with u ofter.
if i could turn back time, i would kiss u not just once in the morning, but every time i could.
if i could turn back time, i wish i could not only be ur daughter, but also ur friend.
if i could turn back time, i would tell u all my stories, about life, campus, secrets, happiness and sadness.
if i could turn back time, i would ask ur opinion about boys around me, which are good and which are bastard.
if i could turn back time, i wont have this undescribable feeling about u, cuz i would have known u better.
if i could turn back time, we wont only talk for 15 mins on the phone every 6 months, maybe one hour every weekend.
if i could turn back time, u would call me 'my daughter' since i was born, not since 2 years ago.
if i could turn back time, i would say that i have two most important things in life, not one.
if i could turn back time, i would respect u the way u deserve, not like this.
if i could turn back time, i would proudly introduce u to my friends.
if i could turn back time, i would cry when i miss u in a sudden, just like when i miss mom.
if i could turn back time, i wouldnt feel too late to know u.
if i could turn back time, if i knew u better, i would tell everyone, i have the best man in the world.
if i could turn back time, i would kiss u not just once in the morning, but every time i could.
if i could turn back time, i wish i could not only be ur daughter, but also ur friend.
if i could turn back time, i would tell u all my stories, about life, campus, secrets, happiness and sadness.
if i could turn back time, i would ask ur opinion about boys around me, which are good and which are bastard.
if i could turn back time, i wont have this undescribable feeling about u, cuz i would have known u better.
if i could turn back time, we wont only talk for 15 mins on the phone every 6 months, maybe one hour every weekend.
if i could turn back time, u would call me 'my daughter' since i was born, not since 2 years ago.
if i could turn back time, i would say that i have two most important things in life, not one.
if i could turn back time, i would respect u the way u deserve, not like this.
if i could turn back time, i would proudly introduce u to my friends.
if i could turn back time, i would cry when i miss u in a sudden, just like when i miss mom.
if i could turn back time, i wouldnt feel too late to know u.
if i could turn back time, if i knew u better, i would tell everyone, i have the best man in the world.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
2010
wow. long time no type, dear blog. yes i miss u quite much. just that i cant tell u anything anytime, people come here sometimes to get some quick updates from u about me. but yeah, u are still one of my best friends (:
u remember when i told u about christmas ? guess what, i got what i want. was home for christmas, with mom and grands and aunties and uncles and cousins and friends and *almost forget* dad. most of them complained me, they thought i stayed way too quick. well what can i do, campus starts again this monday. but tell u what, home for christmas wasnt as smooth as i thought.
as people said, theres always a price to pay. and so was this christmas. not only that 550 euro i paid for the ticket, but also those tears, those fights, those hard feelings. i was home for christmas because they set me to. who they are, u dont have to know. but the point is, they were trying to tell me something. it wasnt easy though, but i got what they mean. and just like the life goes on, i go on. without knowing whats gonna be. without having a clear vision about the future like i had before. without fear, because i wont take it for granted.
and as christmas went by, i gotta go home. nope, im not mistaken. this underground room with its yellow lamp is my home. that river is my sanctuary. we cant have two houses at the same time, we have to choose. just like when people gotta take one decision after another. some of them are easy, some are very difficult that u almost give up. so i made choises, i took decisions, i picked my own ways, i said my words, i paid for what ive done. i do all those things here, in my home, where i have to walk along the way in winter spring summer and fall. not there, where i drive my own car or even get a driver.
i know, maybe u dont get what im trying to say. i dont talk directly to the point. dont ask me to, because as i said, people come here sometimes to get some quick updates from u about me. i dont want them to understand. i just need to tell u whats in my mind and how tired i am. yes im tired. as i was too, 5 years ago. 5 years ago i was 15 and stupid. now im 20 and still not that smart. i still get lost sometimes, i have to admit. but at least im home now.
u remember when i told u about christmas ? guess what, i got what i want. was home for christmas, with mom and grands and aunties and uncles and cousins and friends and *almost forget* dad. most of them complained me, they thought i stayed way too quick. well what can i do, campus starts again this monday. but tell u what, home for christmas wasnt as smooth as i thought.
as people said, theres always a price to pay. and so was this christmas. not only that 550 euro i paid for the ticket, but also those tears, those fights, those hard feelings. i was home for christmas because they set me to. who they are, u dont have to know. but the point is, they were trying to tell me something. it wasnt easy though, but i got what they mean. and just like the life goes on, i go on. without knowing whats gonna be. without having a clear vision about the future like i had before. without fear, because i wont take it for granted.
and as christmas went by, i gotta go home. nope, im not mistaken. this underground room with its yellow lamp is my home. that river is my sanctuary. we cant have two houses at the same time, we have to choose. just like when people gotta take one decision after another. some of them are easy, some are very difficult that u almost give up. so i made choises, i took decisions, i picked my own ways, i said my words, i paid for what ive done. i do all those things here, in my home, where i have to walk along the way in winter spring summer and fall. not there, where i drive my own car or even get a driver.
i know, maybe u dont get what im trying to say. i dont talk directly to the point. dont ask me to, because as i said, people come here sometimes to get some quick updates from u about me. i dont want them to understand. i just need to tell u whats in my mind and how tired i am. yes im tired. as i was too, 5 years ago. 5 years ago i was 15 and stupid. now im 20 and still not that smart. i still get lost sometimes, i have to admit. but at least im home now.
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