2010

wow. long time no type, dear blog. yes i miss u quite much. just that i cant tell u anything anytime, people come here sometimes to get some quick updates from u about me. but yeah, u are still one of my best friends (:

u remember when i told u about christmas ? guess what, i got what i want. was home for christmas, with mom and grands and aunties and uncles and cousins and friends and *almost forget* dad. most of them complained me, they thought i stayed way too quick. well what can i do, campus starts again this monday. but tell u what, home for christmas wasnt as smooth as i thought.

as people said, theres always a price to pay. and so was this christmas. not only that 550 euro i paid for the ticket, but also those tears, those fights, those hard feelings. i was home for christmas because they set me to. who they are, u dont have to know. but the point is, they were trying to tell me something. it wasnt easy though, but i got what they mean. and just like the life goes on, i go on. without knowing whats gonna be. without having a clear vision about the future like i had before. without fear, because i wont take it for granted.

and as christmas went by, i gotta go home. nope, im not mistaken. this underground room with its yellow lamp is my home. that river is my sanctuary. we cant have two houses at the same time, we have to choose. just like when people gotta take one decision after another. some of them are easy, some are very difficult that u almost give up. so i made choises, i took decisions, i picked my own ways, i said my words, i paid for what ive done. i do all those things here, in my home, where i have to walk along the way in winter spring summer and fall. not there, where i drive my own car or even get a driver.

i know, maybe u dont get what im trying to say. i dont talk directly to the point. dont ask me to, because as i said, people come here sometimes to get some quick updates from u about me. i dont want them to understand. i just need to tell u whats in my mind and how tired i am. yes im tired. as i was too, 5 years ago. 5 years ago i was 15 and stupid. now im 20 and still not that smart. i still get lost sometimes, i have to admit. but at least im home now.