you.
three names, 16 letters, one single person.
brought by a friend by accident,
stayed for a while on purpose,
left with a question mark.
you.
three names, 16 letters, one single person.
live your life as you want it to be,
define your dream into a real physical thing,
make me wonder how.
you.
three names, 16 letters, one single person.
brought back by a question mark,
stayed as a question mark,
left as a much bigger one.
and here I am,
standing, starring, thinking,
what if.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
05.02.13
dear God,
at this moment, I am trying to pray to you with all my heart. I may not have any good words or beautiful sentences to be presented to you, but at least I know I want to talk to you.
I never thought studying medicine would be this hard. sometimes I am not sure if I could make it till the finish line, but I know that this is what I really want. and I believe you are staying with me all the time, guiding me through every step, watching over me and blessing me unconditionally. so God, if this path should be difficult, I beg you not to leave me alone. lead my way, show me your light, because I can't do it by myself. I need your help, have mercy on me.
I failed my exam on Friday, I can't write Physikum this semester. I am down and very sad. I feel really ashamed with myself. I failed to make my family happy. and the most important thing, I failed my mother. I failed to make her proud of me. I was scared to tell her the truth - that I failed this exam just because of one stupid point. but then this evening I know, her love to me is just like yours - it's unconditionally.
she told me that it's okay to feel sad for some moment, but I also have to bounce back. that she loves me no matter what and she's proud of me. and she knew that I have done my best and she believed that you did the rest. so whatever the result is, that would be the best. maybe not the best as we like it to be, but the best you could give us for now. she also told me not to blame myself and over all not to blame you, which was a very hard thing to do, because I did blame you a little bit. this is so not fair, I learned so hard for this exam, I prayed to you all the time, I asked for your guidance, but why did it seem like you didn't even hear me?
you were there and you knew what happened after that. she said I may not blame you, because you are the God and we are just the servant. be it done to us according to thy words. if you said it wasn't the time, then it wasn't the time. your time is perfect and blessings will be given to us according to your plan. all we need to do is believe. and never stop praying. not only if we had something to wish for but also in a situation like this. to be thankfull because this makes us come back to you. bahwa dalam keadaan yg tidak menyenangkan seperti ini, kamu masih bisa memuliakan nama Tuhan. be thankfull for that.
so God, I am sorry for blaming you. and I am really thankfull to have a mother like mine. without you, I would not stand where I am now. and without my mother, I would not be the person I am now.
Amen.
at this moment, I am trying to pray to you with all my heart. I may not have any good words or beautiful sentences to be presented to you, but at least I know I want to talk to you.
I never thought studying medicine would be this hard. sometimes I am not sure if I could make it till the finish line, but I know that this is what I really want. and I believe you are staying with me all the time, guiding me through every step, watching over me and blessing me unconditionally. so God, if this path should be difficult, I beg you not to leave me alone. lead my way, show me your light, because I can't do it by myself. I need your help, have mercy on me.
I failed my exam on Friday, I can't write Physikum this semester. I am down and very sad. I feel really ashamed with myself. I failed to make my family happy. and the most important thing, I failed my mother. I failed to make her proud of me. I was scared to tell her the truth - that I failed this exam just because of one stupid point. but then this evening I know, her love to me is just like yours - it's unconditionally.
she told me that it's okay to feel sad for some moment, but I also have to bounce back. that she loves me no matter what and she's proud of me. and she knew that I have done my best and she believed that you did the rest. so whatever the result is, that would be the best. maybe not the best as we like it to be, but the best you could give us for now. she also told me not to blame myself and over all not to blame you, which was a very hard thing to do, because I did blame you a little bit. this is so not fair, I learned so hard for this exam, I prayed to you all the time, I asked for your guidance, but why did it seem like you didn't even hear me?
you were there and you knew what happened after that. she said I may not blame you, because you are the God and we are just the servant. be it done to us according to thy words. if you said it wasn't the time, then it wasn't the time. your time is perfect and blessings will be given to us according to your plan. all we need to do is believe. and never stop praying. not only if we had something to wish for but also in a situation like this. to be thankfull because this makes us come back to you. bahwa dalam keadaan yg tidak menyenangkan seperti ini, kamu masih bisa memuliakan nama Tuhan. be thankfull for that.
so God, I am sorry for blaming you. and I am really thankfull to have a mother like mine. without you, I would not stand where I am now. and without my mother, I would not be the person I am now.
Amen.
Friday, April 20, 2012
some something
its just like there is an unfinished business between us. we barely talk to each other anymore since that day. we never see each other as well. you live your life and i live mine. are you happy with your life? because i am - i really am. are you better off without me? i couldn't really remember why we ended up this way. its a pity. i honestly just wanna make peace with myself. and with you.
(some night, some place, some time)
i sometimes imagine how life would be if i had you in my life. would it be better? would i be happier? and with you by my side, would life be easier? or would it be too complicated for both of us? what do you feel? what do you think? don't tell me, i think i know the answer - at this very moment, i have the best i ever had. and i couldn't ask for more.
(some feeling at some evening in a pouring rain)
are you real? are you a permanent thing? or just some temporarily regulars? you don't have the answer and i don't either because nobody knows. all we know is that we are happy about the way things are, about the summer that will come very soon. its simple, its easy - just like a cup of coffee outside a cafe on a sunny day. and with you, i know what i wanna be : be better for any sake.
(seem to be a conclusion)
(some night, some place, some time)
i sometimes imagine how life would be if i had you in my life. would it be better? would i be happier? and with you by my side, would life be easier? or would it be too complicated for both of us? what do you feel? what do you think? don't tell me, i think i know the answer - at this very moment, i have the best i ever had. and i couldn't ask for more.
(some feeling at some evening in a pouring rain)
are you real? are you a permanent thing? or just some temporarily regulars? you don't have the answer and i don't either because nobody knows. all we know is that we are happy about the way things are, about the summer that will come very soon. its simple, its easy - just like a cup of coffee outside a cafe on a sunny day. and with you, i know what i wanna be : be better for any sake.
(seem to be a conclusion)
Sunday, November 20, 2011
tanggal cantik
itu kata hampir semua orang tentang hari ini. gw jamin jalanan Jakarta macet dan semua gedung fully booked karena banyak yg nikahan. dan semua dokter kandungan lembur karena banyak yg lahiran. for me, its just an ordinary day just like every other day. its windy and cloudy, just like it should be in November.
kenapa banyak orang milih tanggal cantik buat nikah dan melahirkan anaknya? they said because its special and easy to remember. but hey. you've been pregnant for 9 months, carrying your baby in your tummy every second in those months, so how could you forget when exactly they were born? my grannie has 6 children, she is 71 years old now and still can remember clearly what day what time her kids were born. whats wrong with mommies nowadays? and hey you newly weds. this is the day when you said I do to each other, followed with sugar sweet promise till death do us part. this is your day for God's sake! impossible to forget unless you are a goldfish who only has a 30 seconds memory. not being cynical here, I just don't get the idea. but that's none of my business anyway.
hmm. gw sih lebih milih punya tanggal cantik buat urusan lain. to take off from this world, for example. lo bisa milih tanggal cantik buat nikah dan melahirkan, tapi lo ga akan pernah bs milih tanggal cantik buat berpulang. kalopun dapet tanggal cantik, paling itu coincidence. orang bisa maksa melahirkan sebelum waktunya demi tanggal cantik, tapi gw yakin ga akan ada orang yg nyopotin selang oksigen keluarganya supaya mereka bs berpulang di tanggal cantik. definisi tanggal cantik disini bukan cm sebatas digit yg berulang or whatsoever. ada banyak hal² lain yg bisa mendefinisikan bahwa tanggal tertentu itu cantik, baik, tepat.
bokap gw berpulang tanggal 15 october 2011. secara kasat mata, ga ada yg istimewa dari tanggal itu. ga cantik, ga ada digit yg berulang. tapi tanggal berpulang bokap cuma selang kira² sebulan dari tanggal ulang tahunnya. tanggal 6 september kemarin, siapa yg mengira kalo dia akan take off bulan depan? gw juga ga menyangka, 1 hari di bulan october tahun lalu akan jadi hari terakhir gw ketemu bokap dalam kondisi masih hidup. ga mengira bahwa kali berikutnya, gw harus menunduk di atas peti dan say goodbye. forever. and he won't talk back to me. anymore.
if you ask me, gw juga gatau kapan tanggal yg cantik, baik dan tepat buat bokap untuk berpulang. tanggal yg cantik, baik dan tepat menurut gw, bukan tanggal yg cantik, baik dan tepat menurut the Chairman. the Chairman has his own timing and its not just good, its perfect.
its okay to pick tanggal cantik as your special date. apapun yg lo lakukan di tanggal cantik, ingat, tanggal itu lo pilih dengan harapan semoga sesuatu yg lo mulai atau lakukan di hari itu bisa berjalan secantik dan sebaik tanggalnya. maybe till the end of time. so don't take it for granted. do your best, seize your day. supaya nanti saat lo harus take off, ga peduli tanggalnya cantik atau ga, you could say to yourself : yes, this really is the perfect time.
kenapa banyak orang milih tanggal cantik buat nikah dan melahirkan anaknya? they said because its special and easy to remember. but hey. you've been pregnant for 9 months, carrying your baby in your tummy every second in those months, so how could you forget when exactly they were born? my grannie has 6 children, she is 71 years old now and still can remember clearly what day what time her kids were born. whats wrong with mommies nowadays? and hey you newly weds. this is the day when you said I do to each other, followed with sugar sweet promise till death do us part. this is your day for God's sake! impossible to forget unless you are a goldfish who only has a 30 seconds memory. not being cynical here, I just don't get the idea. but that's none of my business anyway.
hmm. gw sih lebih milih punya tanggal cantik buat urusan lain. to take off from this world, for example. lo bisa milih tanggal cantik buat nikah dan melahirkan, tapi lo ga akan pernah bs milih tanggal cantik buat berpulang. kalopun dapet tanggal cantik, paling itu coincidence. orang bisa maksa melahirkan sebelum waktunya demi tanggal cantik, tapi gw yakin ga akan ada orang yg nyopotin selang oksigen keluarganya supaya mereka bs berpulang di tanggal cantik. definisi tanggal cantik disini bukan cm sebatas digit yg berulang or whatsoever. ada banyak hal² lain yg bisa mendefinisikan bahwa tanggal tertentu itu cantik, baik, tepat.
bokap gw berpulang tanggal 15 october 2011. secara kasat mata, ga ada yg istimewa dari tanggal itu. ga cantik, ga ada digit yg berulang. tapi tanggal berpulang bokap cuma selang kira² sebulan dari tanggal ulang tahunnya. tanggal 6 september kemarin, siapa yg mengira kalo dia akan take off bulan depan? gw juga ga menyangka, 1 hari di bulan october tahun lalu akan jadi hari terakhir gw ketemu bokap dalam kondisi masih hidup. ga mengira bahwa kali berikutnya, gw harus menunduk di atas peti dan say goodbye. forever. and he won't talk back to me. anymore.
if you ask me, gw juga gatau kapan tanggal yg cantik, baik dan tepat buat bokap untuk berpulang. tanggal yg cantik, baik dan tepat menurut gw, bukan tanggal yg cantik, baik dan tepat menurut the Chairman. the Chairman has his own timing and its not just good, its perfect.
its okay to pick tanggal cantik as your special date. apapun yg lo lakukan di tanggal cantik, ingat, tanggal itu lo pilih dengan harapan semoga sesuatu yg lo mulai atau lakukan di hari itu bisa berjalan secantik dan sebaik tanggalnya. maybe till the end of time. so don't take it for granted. do your best, seize your day. supaya nanti saat lo harus take off, ga peduli tanggalnya cantik atau ga, you could say to yourself : yes, this really is the perfect time.
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